When a child is diagnosed with cancer, it affects everyone in the family. For brothers and sisters, it can be confusing, scary, and really hard to understand. Their relationship with their sibling might change, and they might feel worried, angry, jealous, or even guilty (all of which are completely normal). Every child reacts differently depending on their age and what they understand. One of the most helpful things you can do is talk openly and honestly with them, in a way that makes sense for their age. You don’t have to have all the answers… just explaining what’s happening, what might change, and reassuring them that it’s not their fault can make a big difference. Talking therapy for siblings who need someone to listen and help them work through their feelings. Support groups where brothers and sisters can meet others in similar situations. Outreach play specialists who work with siblings to help them understand what’s happening and explore their worries in a safe way. Family events that give everyone a chance to reconnect, have fun, and make positive memories together. Have a look at all of the ways Candlelighters can provide support for families here
Here’s a few top tips from our family support team:
Children cope best with the truth, shared in clear and developmentally appropriate language. Explain what’s happening factually, for example, “Joe has something wrong with his blood called leukaemia, and he needs medicine to help make it better.” Keep them updated as things change, so they aren’t left to fill in the gaps with imagination.
Strong emotions are normal responses to such an upsetting situation. Naming and validating these feelings, rather than trying to fix them, can be reassuring. Encourage siblings to express how they feel in whatever way suits them best: talking, play, or art for example.
Try to keep after school, bedtime, and weekend routines stable, and prepare them for last-minute changes. Consistent expectations help siblings feel safe, even when family life feels unpredictable.
Where possible, involve siblings in aspects of care or updates about treatment. If hospital visits aren’t possible, video calls, photos, or updates can maintain connection. Explaining physical changes (like hair loss or medical lines) in advance helps reduce shock or anxiety.
Schools can play a crucial role in supporting siblings. With the family’s consent, professionals such as Candlelighters Outreach Play Specialists can work with teachers or classmates to help with understanding.
Children might hold back from sharing difficult feelings for fear of upsetting parents. Having someone neutral to talk to, a relative, professional, or in a peer support setting, can help them process what’s happening.
How Candlelighters Can Help Siblings
